What I’m about to share may not sit well with some married couples—but that’s precisely why it feels worth writing.
A friend of mine once remarked that marriage is like a partnership agreement—except without any explicitly written clauses. It struck me as an unusual comparison, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Certain roles are almost universally assumed: the husband is often seen as the provider, offering a quiet sense of safety and security, while the wife typically manages the household and maintains control over family affairs.
These roles, though rarely spoken aloud, seem to operate as implied expectations. Beyond these, much of what defines a marriage becomes a set of unspoken assumptions—duties carried out more by intuition and conditioning than by conscious agreement.
I’m not saying I agree or disagree with my friend’s view—but I do find the perspective thought-provoking.
My wife and I recently discussed this idea. She disagreed with the notion and emphasized that love is the true foundation of marriage. I responded, perhaps too bluntly, “If love is the foundation, then why does it often fade when couples separate after decades of living together?” A heavy silence followed, and our conversation quietly ended there.
In business, partnership agreements work well because expectations are written down, clear, and often revolve around a single metric: money. Marriage, by contrast, is far more complex. The emotional, psychological, and relational intricacies that make up a marriage can’t easily be codified or measured.
Perhaps what my friend truly meant is this: that in marriage, each partner intuitively understands their duty—and strives to fulfill it to the best of their ability. It is this quiet sense of responsibility, more than declarations of love or formal commitments, that often sustains a relationship over time.
In the end, maybe the strength of a marriage doesn’t lie in clearly defined roles, or even in love alone—but in the willingness of two people to show up, take ownership, and honor their shared life through everyday acts of care and commitment. Even when the terms are unwritten, the sense of duty can be deeply felt—and quietly powerful.
Author: Raghuraman Kadambi
Image credit – CC0 – https://www.pexels.com/@mangalassery/